Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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