put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found puke in my bra..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
