Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
