seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
