He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
