i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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