apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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