Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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