first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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