I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
