I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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