and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
