the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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