I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
