I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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