I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
