i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
