so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
