She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
