Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
