I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
