Duck Duck Cougar?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
