what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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