I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
