Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
