He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
