I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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