She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
