if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Your dad touched me again.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize