It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
