I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
