Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
