this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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