From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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