ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
