This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
