glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
