Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
