You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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