We need to rekindle our bromance
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have fence marks all over my body
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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