Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
