if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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