that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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