I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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