I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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