you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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