Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
