PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
