my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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