i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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