will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The best revenge is premature balding
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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