Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
