in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
