you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
