I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
