Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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