well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
