I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Welp...herpes.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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