You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
