Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
