Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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