I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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