Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
