Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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