the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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