Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize