I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
