Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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