You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
