We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
