youre lurking in front of me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
