Don't you send me to vm
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
